Anxiety Based Procrastination

There are two kinds of procrastination in my world. There is basic procrastination, like not doing my laundry until I run out of clean hoodies (it takes a while, I have a hoodie addiction problem, this also produces anxiety because hoodies are my security blankets-anxiety feedback loop!). Then there is anxiety induced procrastination, where I avoid doing something because I'm scared it will be awful, or I'll do it badly, or I'll disappoint someone with my results.

This week has been one of procrastination based on anxiety. I should have started on a massive photo editing project on Tuesday. But I didn't. I pushed myself way out of my comfort zone with some technical details. I've been terrified too even look at the photos.

Today, after a positive lunch pep talk with a great friend, and excellent fellow photographer, I got up the guts to just look through the photos. And, I'm happy to say that my bravery in pushing past my comfort zone paid off. I got shots that I really like, that I would not have been able to achieve without the settings I tried new things with.

That's the problem with anxiety, sometimes its completely illogical. If I'd just looked at the photos earlier in the week I probably would have had a much calmer, less irritable, more relaxed week. And also I would have started editing sooner. But, sometimes anxiety can't be controlled.

I'm grateful that I am learning to identify when anxiety is controlling me, at the very least. Even if it's after the fact. It's a start, a small step in the right direction.

That palpable sense of relief when you realize your anxiety was entirely unfounded and illogical, and everything is actually going to be ok.