photographer, videographer, writer

Blog

Those Days

The first part of today was a mental challenge. I was in a spiral of doubt, fear, anxiety, and negative thoughts. I felt completely alone and unsupported. I doubted my ability to start and maintain a business, I was scared that I won't be able to find clients, I was anxious that I'd deliver disappointing work, and I had a swarm of "You can't do this, you're too lazy/dumb/naive/arrogant" thoughts swirling in my brain.

It sucked. I pushed myself out the door, went for a walk. Committed to taking some photos, and doing some video. So I did.

I didn't feel fantastic when I got home, but I did feel a bit better.

A good friend called me on her way home from work and encouraged me a ton, sent me the title of playlist she'd found inspiring recently. Then I worked my first shift at the yoga studio.

I feel better now. Not completely better, but a lot better.

I'm listening to that playlist my friend mentioned. And I'm working on the video so I can post it tomorrow.

This is my reality. It's always up and down. Not every day is great. But at the end of the day, my perception of being completely alone and unsupported is untrue. Sometimes the support will show up in the form of a friend calling at the perfect moment. But sometimes it will only show up if I ask for it.

I am NOT an island.

This may well be the hardest lesson I ever learn.